I found this webpage by surfing - looking for government grants or loans that I don't have to pay back but they all want money first to continue - if I had money I wouldnt be looking on these sites, right. The first thing I saw was a lot more people in my position - how dreadful for us all.  I am 58 years old and waiting to start yet another job - well I guess I should be grateful that I can still work - but what is the point of working when you can't seem to get above water to breathe once in awhile. Last year I had to have surgery and was diagnosed with ovarian cancer - I truly believe my surgeon removed everything and that the cancer is no more but under all this stress again I know it will come back.. I declined chemo therapy because I couldn't afford not to work and being in the healthcare field I couldn't work around sick people on chemo.  I had to use my few days of vacation, personal days to get me by while recoperating for 5 weeks. My companies short term disability only gave me $600.00 a month -not even enough to pay the rent.  I am still trying to get back up to speed but because I am so far behind I just keep sliding down.  I am very very tired and sometimes think if I rob a bank or something they will put me in prison and I won't have to worry about any of this stuff.  I have worked my entire life and here I sit, at 58 years old, unable to pay my rent, receiving shutoff notices from my electric company and I am being sued by AT&T for an old cell phone bill of $800.00.   I do have a plan C that would just erase all these problems but I am afraid so far because it would cause grief and unknown problems for some others.  I don't want to do that.  These are my problems afterall - maybe I am just crazy afterall.  All this money they say people are giving away - where is it?  Why are we all here anyway? Is there no answer at all? So I keep asking, why is this happening???? I don't necessarily want to die but I refuse to live under a bridge and eat out of others garbage..I cannot believe at this time of my life I have found myself in this position...hey, only in America, right?